well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
