And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
