I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
