I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
