My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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