shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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