And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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