So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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