I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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