like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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