i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
