he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
