This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
