i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bring me that man meat
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
