I got chris browned last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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