I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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