speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
