Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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