HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
