last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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