All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
