It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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