he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
there is puke in my bra ... again
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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