it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
