I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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