i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
