I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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