When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
