im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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