It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
