You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
