i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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