I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
