Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
