How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
