the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
