my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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