That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
