Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
