I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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