Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
