so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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