We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
