I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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