whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
