i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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