i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
