I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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