Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
