I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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