Porn is love you can see.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
